


forgetting again

by pandabrite



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, One Shot, Vomit, emetophobia tw, hurt comfort, post story, taakitz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-29 07:19:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12625974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandabrite/pseuds/pandabrite
Summary: people forget things all the time. but it's impossible for taako to forget the sensation-- the feeling of forgetting. taako has a nightmare. taako forgets.





	forgetting again

**Author's Note:**

> day 3 of NaNoWriMo prompts. today's prompt is [ 3. Why did they wake up screaming? ] the prompt list i'm following is from tumblr user lucretia-the-director. i kind of hate this? i actually completely rewrote it at midnight, haha-- anyway, there's a scene near the end with throwing up if that squicks anyone out. enjoy~

It had been… a _long_ time since he’d had a night terror.

During his time alone, during his time with the Bureau of Balance, he’d had to take special measures (a sleepy sack, as he affectionately referred to it) to keep himself from jerking awake, from walking in his sleep, outright just fuckin’ _screaming_ and from… fucking, just causing a mess, an embarrassing mess. Not that he was ashamed of them, but… It was inconvenient and it caused questions and-- yeah, that was less than ideal for someone who had a whole schtick for keeping people at arm’s length.

A burn me once kind of deal, right?

But for the past few months, he’d been free of the spells of nightmares that plagued him so often during his Sizzle It Up With Taako / B.O.B. days. In fact, his life had just generally been really fucking awesome. Like, his gig now was better than he could have ever imagined it being. And that was, for sure, saying _something_. Because he was a lofty boy with lofty dreams. 

First of all, he had his memories back. Great. Even better, he had his goddamn _sister_ back. Second of all, he was the world renowned celebrity that, to be frank, he just sort of deserved to be, which was baller as hell. Third of all, co-owning a school, totally boss… and fourth of all, he had a fuckin’ mushy-gooshy, handsome ass nerd of a grim reaper as a boyfriend. Which, to be fair, was probably the icing on the whole damn cake, if he had to be honest. The cherry on top. The fancy garnish that brought the whole perfect plate together.

_Everything was kind of coming up Taako, for sure._

Not that that erased trauma, by any means. Though he was loathe to discuss things of that nature with anyone, because who wants to Feel Things, he had gone in depth regarding the effects of the voidfish with Lup during a late night visit… though she kind of had to pick it out of him, like shrapnel from a wound.

They’d pieced together that, well, though Taako hadn’t lost the most out of all of them memory wise (vis a vis Davenport), the manner in which he’d lost his memories had been much more… traumatic. He’d been, essentially, left with the cutting room scraps of his life. Lup, a constant memory in his younger years, had been carefully clipped out of every frame. There were huge gaps that just… didn’t make any sense at all because she wasn’t there. His memories of existing on their home plane were there, certainly, but they were incomplete and meticulously picked through. There were things that made sense now that made absolutely no sense before… conversations that were one sided and full of static, situations that panned out in his favor that… made no sense to have worked? 

And his mind. His mind just couldn’t fucking handle it. It couldn’t handle the pieces that were incomplete. And so it just sort of… went on the fritz. His whole personality was jacked up. His brain was out of order. It sucked. God, thinking about it, recounting it fucking sucked. 

So during recreational sleep, during _meditation_ , even, his mind attempted to mend those broken pieces. And, of course, it _couldn’t_. So, instead, he had _nightmares_. Dreams that made no sense. Dreams that consisted of him filling in gaps with things that made _even_ less sense. Phantom visions, horrible outcomes…

Now that his puzzle was put back together, well… it seemed like the terrors had subsided completely. 

Which Taako _certainly_ wasn’t going to complain about.

It meant that lounging in bed with his newfound, immortal, undead boyfriend could be done in _style_. 

Which was where he was at that very moment. Wearing nice silk pajamas, a delicate, sheer (read: seeexy) robe draped over his shoulders… He was curled beneath the arm of his boyfriend, of _Kravitz_. 

When Kravitz wasn’t busy on missions for the Raven Queen, he spent basically every other moment with Taako. Even at night, even when the elf was meditating or sleeping, whichever he chose to do any given night, he was there. He wanted to, well, really, he wanted to spend any moment he _could_ with him. Taako could call him a big sap all he wanted, but…

He didn’t mind.

For all intents and purposes, Kravitz didn’t need to sleep at all… ever. Some nights he indulged in it, but most he just laid awake and kind of… _enjoyed_ being close to Taako. Maybe a little creepy to watch someone sleep, but… he just-- He was so fucking enthralled by this elf. For someone who spent the better part of a millennium alone, the idea that he got to spend his time _with someone_ now, well… fuck. It was amazing. Really. It was. 

And the thing was, well, he just kind of… didn’t mind what they did. He just sort of went along with whatever tickled Taako’s fancy. He’d follow the elf’s whims without any complaint, which was good, because Taako was still learning lessons about thinking about people other than himself… it was fine, though, because Kravitz was infinitely patient and kind, even when Taako perhaps wasn’t. 

They had spent a nice evening together, and now Taako was resting… he had nestled himself beneath Kravtiz’s arm, his cheek resting snugly against his chest. Sure, there was a thick comforter between them, but it was fine. Whatever granted Taako the comfort he needed was inoffensive to Kravitz. He still got to be close to him, to feel him breathing, to… just, sort of _bask_ in him. Which was gay as hell, and Taako would for _sure_ tell him that himself, but he didn’t care.

Taako was kinda _meant_ to be basked in, he reckoned.

It was somewhere close to… maybe 3am? Time had long stopped meaning much to Kravitz… And Taako was out like a light. Kravitz was half drow, so while he now didn’t mess much with the conventions of sleeping, he was well versed in meditation… it was still sort of unsettling to see someone simply… cease to function. Which was what Taako had done. He’d checked out… and he wouldn’t budge again until he was done…

… Or, at least Kravitz thought…

A sudden jerking movement from Taako sent the reaper into a terrifying display, fanged skeletal head flickering into view as he gasped and jerked away from Taako, who had flailed an arm out and made a noise of _absolute_ distress. 

Slender fingers grasped Kravitz’s bare forearm, and were he not an immortal, undead aspect of a literal Goddess, it would have _hurt_. Kravitz was stunned.

“He-hey, Taako? Taako!” He grasped Taako’s shoulders, giving him the gentlest but firmest shake he could-- God, his face was contorted in _fear_. In _pain_? Kravitz felt a wash of panic as he took his chin in his hands… “Taako, _love_ , wake up, okay?” 

But he didn’t seem roused. He was muttering incomprehensible things, but only for a moment before he was practically _shouting_. As if he were in _pain_. 

And Taako was in pain. Though, not in the literal, physical sense.

Taako was sunk shoulder deep in some sort of inky black miasma. It seemed to be made of nothing, just a swirl of pitch black, but he couldn’t _move_. He struggled and pitched against the firm hold, but no matter how he moved, he couldn’t budge. Where the _fuck was he?_ What was happening? 

He couldn’t fucking _see_ and for a being with nightvision that was an absolutely jarring experience. Hell, he could… barely fucking _think_ , he couldn’t string together any coherent thoughts about this place except that it was real weird, and that he definitely _shouldn’t_ be here. How did he get here? What was this place?

He barely had a moment to form that thought before he heard a voice. A voice so familiar, so warm, so comfortable that he could have easily picked it out of a group of one thousand people-- it was _Lup_. And she was calling his name. Desperately, even. 

_‘Taaaaaaaako! TAAKO!’_

Okay, _nice_ , so he’d be alright then. If Lup were here, then no worries, right?

He opened his mouth to shout back to her, to tell her he was fuckin’ asshole deep in this stink pit and to come and get him… but.... Nothing happened. He couldn’t speak. His voice wasn’t there. And panic hit him like a sack of fucking bricks. His chest heaved, and instantly he began to quiver-- oh… okay. Why couldn’t he talk? His fingers lifted, clutching at his own face, at his own throat, and he yelled-- he yelled, screamed as loud as he could… but nothing happened. There was _deafening_ silence.

Okay. Okay. Now what? 

Suddenly, he heard yet _another_ voice. A voice far too warm for someone so cold… another voice he knew like the back of his hand, that he could pick out easily… Kravitz. He was calling his name as well… Just as desperately.

Well, great. Excellent. Not like he could yell back for them. Surely between the two of them, they could manage to find him in one spot in the middle of this black… stuff. Whatever this was. He didn’t know or care to know… 

And those two familiar voices, those two special voices… they were joined by others. And he recognized them, one by one… Magnus, Merle… Barry… Angus… Ren… They came in waves, eerily echoed, distant… they rang out through the silence, disturbingly close and yet far away… and they weren’t getting closer.

_God. Damn. It._

Once again, before he… before he truly had a chance to assess what was happening, something… something _happened_. 

He felt it immediately. There was… a numb feeling in the back of his mind. A sweeping feeling of… fog. Of static. Like he’d missed a step, his stomach felt as though it dropped out of him… No… no, what was happening? No-- fuck-- no. _No._

It was happening.

It felt like things were slipping away from him. Those voices, those voices that were comfortable and familiar and safe… suddenly, they sounded…

Who were they? 

Who were those people..? No-- fuck _NO. NO._

Taako thrashed against the miasma holding him in place. He tossed his head to and fro, and he shouted, he _panicked_. He felt raw emotion unlike he’d felt in a long, long time. He couldn’t lose them again. This couldn’t happen again. Because he _knew._ He _knew_ this feeling now. He had felt it before. He’d felt familiar, cherished faces, names, voices, places… he’d _felt_ them leave. He struggled to remember them like one struggles to remember the words to a song that-- God, they _know_ they know it--

No. No.

He mouthed it, desperately, no-- no… but there was no sound. No response.

Where was he?

And he could hear them still, those voices, those voices that… God, they sounded familiar… Didn’t they? … they were confused… and now, fuck, now… Now he could _see them._

And elven woman, a strikingly handsome dark skinned man… a human man with the most massive sideburns he’d ever seen… a wood armed dwarf, _weird_ … a soft, round dark elf… a small bespectacled human boy… and an also bespectacled middle aged man wearing… blue jeans? _Who… who the fuck were… they..?_

_He couldn’t remember their faces._

They seemed just as lost. 

They were wondering amongst themselves… who were they just looking for? What were they doing here..? 

No, wait, it was _him_ , right? They… he knew them-- they couldn’t forget him..? He… fuck, he _knew_ their faces. He knew them. He did-- but-- it was… fuck, it wasn’t there-- and… they… fuck, these people, he _loved them_ , didn’t he? He felt it, he felt it, he was _desperate_. He-- he couldn’t be fucking alone again…

… But… wasn’t he always..?

He… they were gone… who they had been, he didn’t know… but now… now he was truly-- he was alone, right? He was trapped here. Lost in the dark. Alone. He’d… fuck… he’d be alone. He was always alone. 

And then he woke up.

He was in… bed. There was a man over him, a hand on his face, the other stroking the side of his head… bright red eyes set in black watched his face worriedly… but… who… who was this guy..? 

His chest heaved. He lurched forward, and his own hands grasped Kravitz’s face desperately.

“Who are you!?” 

Kravitz looked… visibly shaken by the question… 

“I-- Taako, it’s… It’s me, Kravitz--”

… Kravitz.

… Oh, God… yeah… Yeah, he… he knew that. He knew that face. He… fuck, he knew him… Kravitz. His boyfriend. His totally-awesome-handsome-sweet-grim-reaper-boyfriend Kravitz… How could he… fuck… 

Taako’s gaze left his face and he… glanced around, still panting, still twitchy, still… coming down… He… he was in his room. He was in his room and it was the middle of the night and he _remembered._ He remembered everyone, he remembered Lup, he remembered Barry… He remembered Magnus and Merle and Ango… 

“-- _fuck_ \-- “ Taako pulled away from Kravitz and pushed himself to his feet, though he wobbled a bit as he did so… Kravitz reached after him uncertainly, but the elf waved a dismissive hand.

“Hey, you… Do you need anything..?” Kravitz knew better than to press _too_ hard…

Taako didn’t answer as he left the room and headed for the bathroom… Ah, Goodness…

Kravitz couldn’t let that sit. So he got up and followed him, even despite Taako’s non-verbal protests. He followed because he _knew_ what was about to happen. And it _did._

As soon as Taako got in the bathroom, he was at that toilet and Kravitz was also right there, a hand coaxing Taako’s long hair away from the pot… and Taako retched, shuddering as he did so-- He, fuck… he must have been really fucked by what happened in whatever dream he was having… 

Taako spat and righted himself, batting Kravitz’s hand away from his hair as he moved to the sink and splashed cold water on his face and sloshed some water in his mouth… he hesitated then, staring in the mirror, and at the man he could see reflected standing behind him, looking very uncertain but boundlessly concerned.

“Gross,” Taako finally muttered, “woulda rather you _not_ been there for that.” 

Kravitz shook his head, “It’s really not, Taako. You couldn’t very well help it.”

Taako didn’t say anything else for a minute, leaned over the sink… and Kravitz could see his hands squeezing the edge of the counter… he was practically white knuckled. He was trying to pull himself back together, to put on a show… Kravitz knew. He knew Taako well enough by now to understand that while he was working on being open, this was probably… not something he ever wanted someone to see.

It was a lot to deal with.

Taako didn’t move, so Kravitz did instead… And Taako felt cool hands slide over his own, and they squeezed, coaxing, removing them from where they held the counter… 

There was a nose pressed into the back of his hair. Those hands holding his squeezed again. And after a long, long moment… he squeezed back. Tightly. More tightly than Kravitz reckoned that Taako had ever held him…

“Hey,” Kravitz mumbled into his hair, “... you know I could never forget you, right?”

Taako’s shoulders jerked at his words, and he immediately began to speak but Kravitz interrupted.

“Like, literally, you’ve made one hell of an impression. You-- _Taako_ , the whole universe would have to forget you, you know? And that’s never going to happen. It’s impossible. You’re too loved. By everyone.”

Taako was silent for what felt like an eternity… and he turned toward him then… and he _looked_ like he was going to steal a kiss for a second before he made a disgruntled face and stopped, “Oh, wait… um- better I thought about that-- you don’t want a kiss from old barf mouth.”

Kravitz laughed, “I... guess I don’t really mind.”

“Um- Okay, that’s gross. Super gross. Absolutely fuckin’ vile. No way.” Taako was… he was smiling now, though, and he squeezed those hands that held his own again, “Now that… that _I’m_ never gonna forget. You wanting to kiss spitty throw up mouth.”

“Hey-- not like that, you weirdo, you’re the one thinking that, _not me_.” 

But Taako was turned away from him then, tugging him by the hands, “Sure, sure, if you say so. Ya _nasty_.”

“Taako--” But Kravitz sounded amused, trailing after him, watching him in equal parts fondly and worriedly from behind… he… he was bottling it up, he knew, but that bridge they could cross another day, he supposed…

Taako ushered them back to the bedroom, and as soon as they got inside, he released his hands. … And Kravitz allowed it, letting their fingers slowly separate, though he was sort of loathe to do so…

And… kind of awkwardly they stood there for a second… Kravitz was about to speak when suddenly Taako was… against him. And his arms were curled around his waist, face pressed into his chest.

“... Promise me, yeah..?”

“Taako…”

“Like, I get the probability is real fuckin’ low, like basically nonexistent but… Promise me you won’t, you know…” He sounded almost like he felt foolish for asking…

Kravitz hummed, sliding arms around his boyfriend, _his star_ , his Taako…

“I promise.”

“... Good.”


End file.
